has anyone noticed

I'm not sure if it just me or not but you think of hundreds of different things every day. They overlap, they jump around and meld together until it is just one big long conversation. Until something happens and the thoughts just stop. You can't find the thread. Do you feel lost? I know I do. It is worse than forgetting why you came into a room. It feels like all the air leaves your chest and you can't drag more in. You feel like your lost. I don't like it. These stupid meds, they make me feel like I'm racing around and going a hundred miles a minute and then all of sudden BAM! I don't know what the hell just happened. Like the entire train of thought just derailed and every thought I had is just GONE. I don't like it. I don't like the idea of just forgetting everything that just happened. I don't like not remembering anything. I don't like losing memories because of everything. I do, I not only lose my train of thought but I slowly lose even more memories as I go. I can't remember what I did yesterday. I don't remember dancing at my own wedding. I only vaguely remember parts of certain fun adventures. I know I went hiking with my husband and I had fun. I couldn't tell you anything other than that. I don't know when, I don't remember how or what went on or anything else. I slowly forget everything along with my train of thought. I hate it. I don't understand. This, this is supposed to make me better. I cry all the time because it only works in some ways, I feel like even though I am trying it took too long to fix and I won't make it right after all. I feel like I will ever get back what I pushed away. I hate all of this. I hate what the side effects are of these meds. I just can't stand some things. Sure yeah I lose weight, woo hoo. I hate forgetting. I hate crying so much. I HATE being paranoid and not believing my own husband. I probably went on and on and no one else is like this LOL so sorry I forgot what I was supposed to be typing but it did help me feel better :)